


A Friendship Caught Fire

by Scribe4SC



Category: Outlander (TV) RPF, Sam & Cait (TV)
Genre: F/M, Samcait - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6736456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe4SC/pseuds/Scribe4SC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's their dream job come true that brings them together. It's friendship that makes it so easy. And then there's a fire that they didn't expect. A multi chapter story about defining moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chemistry test

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not meant to insult anyone. It is pure fantasy even though the characters are real people with a real life I know nothing about. I hope this is going to be a multi chapter work of the many defining moments for the relationship between two actors, who inspire so many people in this fandom. The rating may change with time, I'm not sure about that yet. I'm not a native speaker, so I hope readers will bear with possible mistakes. Enjoy!

Chemistry test.

 

He catches himself looking to the clock for the third time and feels guilty. It's not the actresses fault, that he is bored. He just has done this scene for the fourth time this morning and no matter how professional he wants to be, it's exhausting and he's famished. But he doesn't want to mess up things for the girl. What's her name? Jenna? No, that was the one before her. Her name is... another wave of guilt. He forgot her name. How embarrassing! 

Well, he can't help it now. He tries to concentrate and give her something to work with. She's really trying and she's a nice girl. They all are. They all are good actresses, too and undeniably attractive. He chatted with all of them nicely and frankly he can't see that big a difference so far, who knows what the producers are looking for? Ok, now the last big thing. The kissing scene. He smiles at her encouragingly and she smiles back a bit shyly. It's always weird, but they're both professionals and have done this numerous times. So he leans in with a practised rhythm, not too fast, not too slow. Her lips are soft and it feels nice. It always does, he thinks. He likes kissing and even though it is weird to kiss an almost stranger, he doesn't mind and enjoys it most of the time. 

The test is over. They exchange a few last words, the producer tells her that they will call her agent and then she leaves the room. Sam stretches himself and thankfully grabs the coffee that someone offers him and wishes there was something edible in reach, too, but sadly there isn't. 

The producers are silent and look at each other. "No," says Maril. "I'm afraid she isn't the one." Ron agrees. "I liked Linda this morning. I think she was the best so far." Maril looks not convinced. "We must watch them on screen again," she says, but he can hear that she is not a fan of Linda. 

"Who's next?" Ron looks down on his list. "Caitriona Balfe," he reads, "how in hell does one pronounce this name?" He shows it to Marie, who laughs and shrugs her shoulder. "No idea. But I remember her. She was the one Toni found on her hard disk a week ago, remember?" Ron is intrigued. "Oh yes," he nods. " We all were pretty excited. I'm looking forward to seeing her and Sam." He looks at his watch. "She's late though. Not a good sign."

Sam actually doesn't mind. At least a few minutes to recover. The next actress will be the last for today and if they're quick he might be able to spend a few hours outdoors. He desperately needs a run. The weather is lovely and he is looking forward to a nice afternoon in the sunshine. 

Suddenly the door opens. "I'm so sorry," a deep, feminine voice says, sounding a little breathless. Sam turns around at the sound of it and his eyes widen a bit. Wow. She's perfect is his first thought and only after thinking it, he starts to wonder what it means. Perfect for the role or just perfect? Just perfect actually, he decides. Tall and slender, long legs, graceful, skin like porcelain, a beautiful face and shiny dark brown hair. Stunning. She gives him a smile and he feels himself smiling back before ordering the polite part of his brain to do it. 

"Hi, I'm Sam," he says and warm, delicate fingers close around the hand he's offering in greeting. "I'm Caitriona," she says. "Nice to meet you." In her heels she's almost as tall as he is and he is 6'3. Wow again.

Ron and Maril are still talking quietly in the background, obviously they need another five minutes to set everything up.  
"I guess you've been stuck in traffic?" he asks. He can feel she's nervous and he wants to put her on ease.  
"Yes, it was awful," she sighs. "I thought I was so early, but it was still not early enough,"  
He notices, that he's still holding her hand and gives it a little squeeze before dropping it. "Don't worry," he says. "Maril and Ron know the traffic here." 

"So have you been testing all morning?" She asks and he nods. "You're the last today," he says and she laughs. "Is that good or bad, what do you think?"  
"Definitely good." He means it. He can feel she is special. Caitriona. He won't forget her name, so much for sure. 

Ron and Maril come over to greet her. They shortly explain what they want to see in the scenes they're going to play. There will be two, first the big fight at the river and then an afterglow scene from the wedding night. Jamie has played them countless times now, with so many different actresses, he feels himself worrying if he can keep his performance fresh for her. For some reason the thought hasn't entered his mind with any of the other actresses this morning, but it now is very much on his mind. He doesn't know why, but he really doesn't want to spoil things for her.

They take their positions and do a short read through the scene to give her a general idea how Ron wants it. She nods when they're through and then they start for real. Immediately the atmosphere changes between them and Sam is amazed by the transformation of the beautiful woman before him. Her face distorts into real anger and he feels his own rage start inside of him quite easily. They're in it for just two lines, when he completely forgets about Ron and Maril watching and about the purpose of this scene. He's in it. "Had you stayed put as I told you, nothin of this woulda happened!" he growls at her. She doesn't give one bit. Her blazing blue eyes never leave his and she doesn't waver a millimetre. At one point he grabs her and pulls her into some kind of bear hug and that's when he feels she is really pissed off now. She pushes against him with a force that he hadn't expected from a woman as graceful as she is and he staggers back a bit surprised. Wow, he thinks only vaguely registering, that Ron stopped the scene. This was amazing. His eyes search Caitriona's, but he can see she's okay. She smiles at him. 

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away there," she giggles and he finds it adorable. 

"I fought unfairly, I'm afraid," he smiles back. "The bear hug wasn't in the script."

The set-up for the second scene is completely different. In the scene they just made love for the very first time. There's no real bed in the room, just a very uncomfortable couch which substitutes for the couch and which is very narrow for two tall actors like they are. He's enchanted when she giggles again while they're trying to find a comfortable position for the scene. He fakes offering her a cigarette when they finally lie next to each other and to his delight he draws another giggle out of her. 

The scene is mostly funny and they enjoy the humor in it. He loves how she is delivering her lines. It's easy to play with her, he doesn't have to do much. He doesn't even have to concentrate, it just flows easily. Now the kiss, he thinks and is suddenly almost a bit shy. He takes his time looking at her, her eyes, her lips, before he leans in. Nothing practised about that, he thinks, but then thought leaves him entirely when his lips touch hers. It's like plunging into darkness. A good darkness. A nice, warm, wonderful darkness. Coffee brown, soft, delicious, intoxicating. More, I want more, he thinks when he's slowly coming back to the surface. Her dreamy expression tells him, she was in the same place as he was and this makes him happy and a bit proud, too. 

Then there's activity again, Ron and Maril come and talk to Caitriona and then she's ready to leave. "Bye," he says. He wants to tell her, that he hopes she'll be the one, but he doesn't do so, because it would be unprofessional. She smiles her beautiful smile and nods. "Bye," she says and turns to leave. He watches her go to the door, open it and close it behind her, before he turns around to the producers.

"Wow," he says. "She was amazing, wasn't she?"

Maril nods and Ron starts to grin. "She certainly was," he says. "I think we got our Claire."


	2. Hair Day

Hair Day.

"Better, but no, sorry." Maril and Ron, looking at him on their screen, are still not satisfied with the color and Sam sighs. The extremely expensive hairdresser named Chris doesn't move a muscle. There's a reason for the price, Sam thinks. They tried three different shades of red now and he really has enough of it, but he knows it is important. He settles back in the chair closes his eyes in resignation and lets the guy do his work. 

"I think it has to be still a bit less red, but a little bit more brown," Maril suggests. "On screen it is too extreme otherwise. He's a redhead, but he can't look like a carrot." Chris nods.

"Hey, you're still here," a feminine voice says and Sam opens his eyes. Caitriona. His costar, who'll also have to get a new look for the show. He was hoping to meet her, before he would leave for Scotland again. Since they did their chemistry test three weeks ago he hasn't seen her again, but he didn't count on it today, because he thought they would have long finished with him when she arrived. Apparently not. 

"Still not the right red," he mumbles and feels foolish with the foils in his hair. He probably looks like an idiot. Well, they'll be seeing each other at their worst in the future anyway. Better get used to it.

She sits down in the chair next to him and sighs. "So what is it for you today?" he asks and she scrunches her nose. "A perm," she says. "I really don't want it, but well," she sighs again, playing with her hair while watching herself in the mirror. "I guess I'll get used to it."

Suddenly Maril is there with two glasses. "To our official first day," she grins and hands them each a glass of Champagne. He clinks his glass to Caitriona's. "To our first day," he says and they drink. "Hm," she smiles. "Much easier to bear a perm with Champagne."

With the fifth try Ron and Maril are satisfied with the color of his hair. Sam stares at himself in the mirror. Strange, he thinks, but he likes it and it makes him feel a bit more like Jamie. He has spent reading the first book of the series twice in the last weeks and he loves the character he's going to portrait. He knew right from the start, that he was made for this part, even when he sped read through the book the weekend before he auditioned. There was an immediate connection that he had never felt before with a character. He can't wait for the filming to start now.

"You look great," Caitriona says next to him. "Very much as I imagine him." He is surprised to find his own thoughts reflected in her words. He smiles at her and his smile turns into a grin when he takes in the view of the curlers in her hair. Not much better than the foils in his own earlier even though he also notices, that she's still gorgeous. She rolls her eyes a bit when she sees his grin, but then laughs as well. 

"Are you busy afterwards?" he asks. "We could go for a coffee and talk a bit." He hopes this doesn't sound weird. It looked like a good idea when he thought about suggesting it. They're going to work very closely soon. If the show will be a success, they'll be seeing each other likely more hours than the average married couple, so he thinks it would be nice to know her better. He doesn't want to appear too eager though. Like he's coming on to her or something...

"Oh yes, that would be nice." She sounds genuinely pleased and relief spreads through him. Maybe she had the same thoughts. They smile at each other, a bit shy still, but Sam feels oddly at ease. This is going to work, he thinks. Even though they only have exchanged a few sentences so far, it feels good.

They leave the hairdresser salon a little more than half an hour later. Caitriona is still not happy with her perm and mutters something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like "Poodle", but he thinks she looks beautiful and he likes it, that she doesn't make a fuss even though she isn't keen on it. He tells her and she laughs. Maybe that's because she was a model, she tells him. You have to wear and be styled as the designer wishes. Personal preferences notwithstanding. So she's used to have to push her personal taste back for the sake of her job and she's certainly ready to do it for this show. 

The weather is beautiful so in mutual agreement they only grab a coffee to go and stroll through the park instead of sitting in a stuffed cafe. They talk about family, their hobbies and then work. She tells him about her time as a model. He has googled her of course, he was curious after all and he has read that she worked for all the big names in fashion. He was impressed, but she shrugs it off. "It was a great time," she says. "But I'm not sad it is over. I always wanted to be an actress. The modeling was just a sidetrack. A fun experience sure, but not what I really wanted to do."

He tells her about his other acting jobs. Theatre, a few TV projects and then Batman. "I was close to quitting just before I got Jamie," he admits. "I had just lost yet another part on "Games of Thrones" and I really started questioning it all. And then I got the audition for Jamie and only three weeks later I had signed a seven year contract."

She nods. "It was the same for me. I had only very little parts before this. Actually everyone told me I was insane to even try to make it as an actress. A woman in her 30s? No chance." She hesitates and then asks anyway: "Do you think there's a chance that the show will be successful?"  
He snorts. "I always try not to be optimistic. You'll never know after all, but I guess the books have a huge fan base. It's amazing, the day my casting got announced, I got 1000s of followers on twitter all the sudden and I get more every day and they tweet how excited they are for the TV show and such. So maybe? If they all tune in and watch the show? I hope they won't hate it."

They sit down on a bench near the lake and watch children feed the ducks. "It's surreal," she says. "Two weeks ago I didn't think I would ever hear back from the show, now I'm moving to Glasgow." He tells her that he lives in Glasgow, too and promises her to show her around a bit if she wants to. She has a good friend, who is originally from Glasgow, she tells him. But he's in London now and she's happy to take him up on his offer. "I'll show you the best pubs. Very important," he grins and she grins back. "Very important indeed," she agrees.

"I'm looking forward to the boot camp," he says. "I love all that physical stuff. Fighting, riding. Ron says I'll have to learn Gaelic, too though. I wonder how that will turn out."  
"Have you done roles with fighting and horse riding before?" She asks. "I haven't really." She laughs. "Actually I haven't done much of what I will have to do as Claire." She gives a little laugh and he can see in her face what she's talking about. She's actually blushing.  
"Ah," he says knowingly. "The sex scenes."  
"Have you done some before?"  
He shakes his head. "Not really like it will be in this show, no. I've done a bit on stage, but I expect this will be different. On stage a lot is left to the imagination. Here we signed for a cable TV show. I guess it will be a little bit more explicit."  
"More skin," she says.  
"I'm afraid so," he grins. "It's starz after all."  
"I've never done anything like that," she says. "But as a model you can't be too prudish either. Some of the dresses in those shows were pretty much topless and backstage you'll get used to change your clothes in front of a myriad of men. Designers, hairdressers, Make up artist." She chuckles. "Mind you most of them are gay anyway though."

He thinks it's not the worst approach. He is generally comfortable in his body and on stage love scenes and even sex scenes haven't been a huge problem for him so far. Awkward during the first rehearsals and then less and less daunting until they were fully established in his portrait of the character. Once he felt it in character, he didn't even have to think about it any more. How will it be on film? There will be less time to get into the character and much less clothing. Will it be very embarrassing? He heard stories from other actors. Mostly funny ones, but he doubts they were so funny for the actors back when they happened. He decides he will follow Caitriona's lead on this. Don't think to much about it.

Without realizing they have spent 2 hours talking. He is surprised when he looks at his watch and tells her so. She agrees, that time flew by and tells him she is happy, that they seem to be able to talk so easily.  
"It feels good, doesn't it?" he asks. "I hope we will be able to be good friends. We will be seeing a lot of each other, I guess."  
She agrees. "I hope we'll have each other's back. It's good to have someone who will share this whole new experience with me."  
They shake hands on it and then they laugh, because of the sudden solemnity. 

They decide to take a picture to post it on twitter. Since they don't know if they're allowed to show the new red hair and perm, they decide on a picture of their shadows.  
"I love it," she says. I'm going to print that one out.  
"First selfie of Jamie and Claire" they write to it and tweet it to their followers.  
Sam takes a real selfie, too, but only to save it on his phone. He finds himself thinking about their talk and the magical afternoon in the sun even hours after they said goodbye and he is back in his flat.

He looks at the selfie of him and Caitriona on his phone several times and smiles. He can't wait to start working with her.


	3. Boot Camp

Boot Camp.

He has expected to love Boot Camp and he isn't disappointed. Horse riding, sword fighting and stunt training is just his cup of tea and he is surprised how much he also loves the Gaelic lessons. Having been away from Scotland for so many years, it gives him a warm and happy feeling to reconnect with his homeland and the Gaelic is a way to embrace this new feeling of belonging, a feeling he never had before, but feels very strongly now. 

On the first day he meets the other "Highlanders" and they're a hoot. He knew Graham McTavish before, who plays his uncle and with whom he had to do a chemistry test. Dougal Mackenzie and Jamie have a very complicated relationship in the show, so their chemistry is important. He instantly gets along with him and does with the others, especially Duncan Lacroix, who plays his godfather Murtagh and who is one of those silent types, who surprises you with a dry humour when you least expect it and who can make the whole room dissolve into laughter with just one little sentence muttered under his breath. 

Caitriona arrives two days later than the boys and when he sees her strolling into the stables, he is surprised by the sudden jolt of happiness that goes through him when he sees her. It's his privilege to introduce her to the crew and the other actors and he does so standing next to her with a big smile on his face while she chit chats easily with them, looking so cute in her riding helmet. 

Their first lesson is riding a horse together, first with Caitriona sitting in front of him and then later with her sitting behind him, because for a big part of the show, that's what they're going to do. Sam loves his horse, a strong Frisian called "Sleepy". He is good natured and easy to handle and he enjoys the riding lessons immensely anyway, but with Caitriona it is even more fun. After barely half an hour, they're bantering with each other as if they knew each other for a lifetime instead of just a few weeks. He delights at her giggling, it is simply adorable and he can't resist teasing her just for the sake of hearing that cute little sound again. 

When it is time for separate riding, he feels the loss of her in his arms as if they cut away a part of his body. "How is it possible to bond so fast?" he suddenly thinks, a slight feeling of worry creeping into his consciousness. He pushes the thought to the back of his mind and concentrates on his job. It's good that they're bonding, they'll have to if they're supposed to work with each other and be convincing as a romantic couple. 

After their daily work the gang decides to do a round through the local pubs to celebrate Cait's arrival, as they say. As usual Graham takes the lead, the others just tagging along happily. It's a fun evening. Loud and cheerful and they're up way too late when Duncan leans over to Sam all the sudden and says grinning from ear to ear: "You look smitten, laddie. I must say they did a great job at casting with you two. The chemistry is incredible."

He's pretty drunk at that point, they all are, but Sam is still shocked to the core. He forces his eyes away from Caitriona's face, who is laughing about something Grant told her on the other side of the table. "Smitten" is what Duncan said and the sudden realization hits Sam like a punch in his gut. He is. He so is. This is the worst case. He has developed a crush on his costar in just a couple of days working together. The woman with whom he will have to work 14 hours a day for years and years, if everything goes well. He has no idea if she is in a relationship and she will probably think him creepy if she will ever find out about his feelings. Not to speak of how embarrassing and awkward it would be for her to play love scenes with him if she knew.  
What in hell is he going to do now?


	4. Too close

Too close.

He tries to contain the smile, but is sure she can hear it over the phone anyway.   
"Ah, Babe, I'll be right with you, don't worry."

He does think her phobia with spiders is a bit weird for a woman, who certainly isn't afraid of far more dangerous things and usually thrives into everything fearlessly and with gusto, but then again he also finds it most endearing, so when he hangs up the phone, he doesn't linger long, but grabs his keys and is out of the door in just a few minutes. Her flat isn't far from his, which is pure coincidence, but very practical, as they found out over the last month.

These first weeks of filming their show have been great and he feels he has never been involved in a project that is more satisfying and exciting. A lot of it has to do with his co-star, he realizes. Their easy rapport continues and now, after just a few weeks, he feels like she is one of his closest friends. 

They spend a lot of time with each other. Naturally on set, but he also stayed true to his word and took her around Glasgow, to show her where to hang out, where the best Sushi can be found and what there is to see. Even though he has been away for some years, the town still is familiar to him and he is proud to be her guide. She teases him, that she thought he only knows the way from his flat to the gym and back, but he just laughs and his revenge is taking her there one afternoon and introduce her to John and the other coaches. Not surprisingly they like her, as simply everyone who has met her does. Sam has given up on trying to hold his feelings in check when it comes to her. The instant crush has developed into complete adoration. He cherishes every moment he spends in her company and since this is almost 24/7 due to their gruelling schedule of filming, he is very happy and content at the moment.

She opens the door so quickly, that he suspects her standing right next to it waiting for him.  
"Thank God," she says and hugs him fiercely.  
His mouth twitches, but he tries his best to suppress the grin, that threatens to show.  
"Where is it?" he asks and she points to the living room.  
"In the corner with the black cupboard."  
The grin slips out, he can't help it. "Why are you whispering?"  
"Urgh," she moans and hits his arm. "Get moving, hero." He quirks one eyebrow and she adds a "please?" for good measure.  
He laughs and disposes his keys on the side-table next to her door, before he takes the few steps to her living room.

Eddie is lying on the couch in her usual spot, opening her green eyes when she hears him approach.   
"Hey, tiger," he greets her kneeling down next to her. "Couldn't you protect your Mum from the evil monster, huh?"  
The cat stares at him unmoving, but starts to purr immediately when he starts to ruffle her fur at her neck, just as he knows she likes it.

He looks around to the black cupboard that Cait mentioned and sees the offending spider immediately. "Ah," he nods. "That's a huge one indeed."  
"Can you take it away?" Cait asks from the hall, peeking through the door, but not stepping into the room.  
He grins. "Sure, Babe, it's dangerous, but I think I can manage. Can you bring me a glass, please?"  
She rolls her eyes, but goes to the kitchen and returns with a glass. She doesn't step into the room, but holds it out to him from her safe place at the door and he laughs. He lets go of Eddie, rises and takes the glass from her hands, then quickly takes the few steps to the cupboard and swiftly pulls the glass over the spider. Cupping it with his hand he holds it up for inspection.  
"Really big spider," he says. "What shall I do with it now?"

"Can you bring it down on the street?" Cait asks, carefully keeping her distance. "Preferably walk a block and dispose it there, so it doesn't come back."

He laughs again. "Why not just kill it?" he asks but at her reproachful face he just shrugs and heads for the door. "See you in a minute," he says.

When he comes back a few minutes later, she already has poured them both a glass of red wine.   
"You're officially the best," she says and they drink to it. 

"Wanna watch "Friday Night Lights" with me?" She knows his weak points. The show is one of them and they have binged several episodes lately. What she doesn't know is, that spending an evening with her is his weak point anyway. He would settle for watching her silly guilty pleasure show of those trashy "housewives of something" solely to be with her. But that little secret is safe in his heart he hopes. It's ok to be very good friends with your co-star, but it's not ok to develop feelings for her that go far beyond a solid friendship and he has no intention of ever letting her know about it. Infatuation, in his experience lessens after a while. He's 34 years old after all. He had his share of crushes and even though this time he feels it is different, he thinks it must be, because they're supposed to play love interests on the show, which works against getting over his feelings.

"How many episodes left for season 1?" He asks. She glances at the cover of the DVD.   
"We had the one with the chemical spill already, did we?" He nods.   
"Then it's two left," she says. "But we need something to eat first. I can't watch a season finale on an empty stomach."

Together they search through her fridge and decide on a Salad and gluten free Garlic bread. It's no the first time they prepare a meal together. They both are not too keen on fast food or take out. They've been to restaurants together (mostly Sushi which they both love), but most of the evenings they have spent together over the last few weeks always started very domestic with them standing next to each other in the kitchen chopping vegetables. 

They retreat to the sofa a while later, each with a bowl of Salad, a plate of the crispy Garlic bread in front of them and the remaining rest of the bottle of red wine to share. The season finale is the expected roller coaster and he laughs when she sniffles, but then has to swallow hard a few times himself. 

"Oh my god," she says when the final credits roll. "When do we start with season 2?"  
He laughs. "I'll order it," he says and takes his mobile. "This one is on me."  
They sit a while next to each other not talking and pondering about the show they just watched, then Sam takes a glance at his watch.  
"Oh dear, what's your calling time tomorrow?" he asks. "It's already after eleven."

She sighs. "5.30," she says. "But sleep is highly overrated, isn't it?"  
He chuckles. "I'm due in the gym at 5.30, too. Won't be on set before noon though. What are you going to film in the morning?"  
"I don't even remember. Some little in-between things, I think. Claire walking through the castle." She laughs. "She seems to do that a lot, Claire. Walking from one room to the next."

Sam stretches. "I should go," he says, but doesn't stand up. They grin at each other and he ruefully let his head fall onto the high sofa back with a laugh.   
She snuggles into him. "Too much red wine, huh?" she says. "I'm too lazy to stand up myself, too."  
He allows himself to enjoy the feel of her in his arm for a minute and rests his cheek on the top of her head. She is always so affectionate and he loves it. Drowsily he notices how good she smells, something fruity in her shampoo, her perfume, which he already recognizes and something that is just her and which he finds intoxicating. He wonders if she likes the smell of him, too. She seems to, would she otherwise snuggle with him so often? With a content sigh he closes his eyes.

He comes awake with a start and has no idea how long they've slept. They're lying on the couch by now, Cait pretty much on top of him, her arms around his neck and her face buried half into his shoulder. The flat is completely dark. Reluctantly he tries to slip his way from the sofa without waking her, but it proves to be difficult. Every time he tries to move, she strengthens her grip around his arms and the wiggling of her body on top of his own when she does that actually doesn't help either. He is really tempted to just forget about getting up and instead just pull her even closer, press himself against her warm and wonderful body and enjoy, what he is sure, will be the best sleep he has had in months, cramped on a couch or not.

But no. "Too close," the alarm bells in his head keep ringing. "Too close. You can't."  
And so with an inward curse of his damned conscience, he loosens her arms and gently lifts her body from his own to be able to stand up. He looks down on her with a smile. She doesn't like the perm, but she looks adorable with her locks waving wildly around her face. Her face is perfect he decides absently, but what about her isn't?

He shakes his head and then bends to lift her up and carry her over to her bedroom and lays her down on the bed gently. He puts a blanket over her and sets the alarm for her to 5 am. He knows she doesn't have breakfast before leaving the house, so he hopes she'll be okay with half an hour before the driver arrives.   
His lips tingle, but he doesn't lean down to kiss her on the cheek, even though it feels like a terrible effort.

"Too close," he thinks when he leaves her flat behind him. He's getting way too close for comfort and not for the first time he wonders what he is supposed to do about his feelings for his co-star


	5. Paris

Paris.

It all started two weeks ago. They talked about their Christmas break. Cait is exhausted. She has been filming non-stop since September, has moved her life completely from one continent to the next and hasn't had the time to really think about anything but work. He has had a much lighter schedule than she has and he says so and tells her she deserves to be pampered a bit. "You need someone to take care of you over the break, get you away to some place nice, feed you good food, talk to you, drink wine with you, take your mind of things."

She laughs. "Sounds heavenly, but where is this wonderful person? I'm afraid all my friends are on the other side of the world right now and I'm too exhausted to fly overseas. So it will be just poor old, bored Caitriona hanging out with Eddie in her Glasgow flat." She is laughing when she says it, but he means to hear some longing in her voice and that's when the plan forms in his head.

She's certainly astonished when he invites her on a three day trip to Paris during the first week of their break a few days later. He's trying to be as nonchalant about it as he can, but inside he is nervous as hell. He can see she's unsure how to take it and so he rushes to tell her, that he just wants to be her good friend and be there for her when it is clear she needs a time out and she told him about the Frieda Kahlo/Diego Rivera art exhibition she's longing to see so much, right? So he thought it could be his Christmas present for her...   
She's touched and agrees without hesitating, which makes him incredibly happy.

They film till Friday and they leave Glasgow on Monday afternoon. Sam has butterflies in his stomach from the moment the taxi stops in front of Cait's flat to get her on his way to the airport. But then she grins at him and looks so obviously happy that he instantly feels at ease again. All is well, they know and trust each other, they have spent a lot of free time with each other during the last months and they'll just have fun as friends.

He's able to relax and laugh with her during the flight and even later on the drive to the hotel. They're both excited when they catch the first glimpse of the Eiffel tower and he takes a pic and tweets it. He has chosen their hotel carefully. Nice, but not too fancy and certainly no implied romance. He really hopes she'll like it and she won't fell threatened or anything or...

They're both trying to hide it, but when they arrive at the hotel, there's a tension between them, that hasn't been there before and not for the first time he wonders if he made a huge mistake. It's different no matter how much they pretend it isn't and even though they talked about it and (jokingly) cleared the air, there's the elephant in the room anyway. He feels it. He doesn't want it, but he can't help feeling the way he does, wanting the things he does and secretly he begins to wonder if she might be in the same place as he is and if maybe he is making all the wrong assumptions when he thinks she doesn't feel the attraction.

Their rooms are on the same corridor. They separate and say they'll meet and go out for dinner an hour later. When they meet, they both had time to adjust and to Sam's relief the atmosphere is much more relaxed. They find a cute little restaurant and Sam is impressed when Cait orders their food in fluent French. He tells her he actually failed his French exam in school and she admits she never took one, but she learned French when she went to Paris to become a model at the age of 18. He's amazed. There's so much he doesn't know about her yet, so much she has done and seen. To him she's the most fascinating and interesting woman he has met in a long time, if ever. She asks him about his own teenager years and he tells her about his time at youth theatre in Edinburgh and of his world trip after he finished school. 

To his own surprise he finds himself talking about Katie, too. The last long term girlfriend he's had and how difficult it is to keep a relationship in their profession. She agrees, it hasn't been easy for her either. The last boyfriend is not that long ago, too, but she's glad she's single now, because it gives her the freedom to fully concentrate on the show. They talk about friends and family and how important it is for them to have certain people in their life, especially now, when it looks like big things are happening for them and their career is taking off as it has never before. He tells her his mother is the one who will always keep him grounded and he hopes he'll be able to keep his privacy somehow even if the show will become as famous as everyone seems to expect. 

It's a bit different for her than it is for him. She already has lived a "glamorous" life before the show, but of course models are not as well known as actors. She made a lot of money as a model and her close circle of friends from those days all are well off financially. Their life probably resembles the life they both can expect now, too and what still seems surreal to Sam. "I mean being able to afford such a weekend like this easily still feels weird," he says. "I probably would have proposed a Camping trip last year instead and I'm not sure how much regeneration you would have gotten out of that," he says and Caitriona laughs. "I would have liked that, too," she says. "But this is better."

They sit in the hotel bar for about an hour after they come back from their dinner, drinking and still talking. "It's funny," she says at one point, when he tells her about his idea for a big charity event that he's been thinking back and forth about for the last week. "We've seen each other nearly every day during the last months and have chatted for hours then, too and still I find out new things about you every day."

When they decide to call it a night and go up to their rooms, they detect a table with crazy masks and hats next to the reception. They have no idea what they're for, but in their good mood and slightly tipsy state, they decide to take a selfie with both of them wearing one of the masks. They giggle and Sam tweets it. "Holidays!" he writes to it and they both laugh. "They'll think you're nuts," she says.

When they part near midnight in front of her room, she gives him one of her warm hugs and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for the lovely evening," she says. "I feel recharged already, after just these few hours."  
"That's the idea," he says and hugs her back. "This is why we're here."

The next morning they visit the Kahlo/Rivera exhibition. Cait finds Sam standing in front of a painting, his arms wrapped around himself, deeply in thought.   
"What do you think?" he asks her. She contemplates what she sees a while and then she says: "Uncomfortable."  
He laughs. "I agree. It almost gives me physical pain." He looks around. "Most of his pictures do to be honest. I'm afraid I'm not a fan."  
She shakes her head. "I'm not either. It's interesting, but I would never want to have one of these pictures around me in my own home. I generally prefer very modern art though."  
He's intrigued. "Really modern? Like those pictures that show a blue circle and the artist calls it "blue circle"?"  
"Yes, something like that," she nods. "Not all of them of course, but now and then I look at such a picture and it totally fascinates me. Beauty in simplicity I guess."  
"Interesting," he says. "I guess I've never paid that much attention to modern art. I do see the beauty in simplicity though. But maybe more in nature. The beauty in a mountain for example. I think it's breathtaking, you know, just the sight of it standing out in the landscape in front of the sky."

They leave the exhibition an hour later and stroll through Montmartre. It's a beautiful day, cold, but with a blue sky and clear air. They go for lunch in a little restaurant and then decide to visit the Louvre. Ciatriona wants to show him the sculptures. She says she was so impressed with them when she first saw them. He wants just what she wants. If she's happy, he is, too and when he tells her just that, she blushes. "So much art in one day, you must think me very boring, but I don't have the opportunity so often."  
But he shakes his head. "Far from it," he says. "I've seldom enjoyed me more." He's delighted when she blushes again.

They return to their hotel in the early evening. Their feet hurt and they both decide, that they would rather stay in instead of going out for dinner again. He happily agrees when she invites him over to her room for room service and a movie.

In the end they never get to the movie after their dinner, because they're chatting again. She sits on the bed, her feet tugged up under her while he's lying on his side, his head on his elbow and she tells him about her siblings and her parents, Ireland and her upbringing. She laughs at his stories from his childhood in New Galloway where he grew up pretty much strolling around the landscape on his own. "Very much like today," she says, reminding him of an incident not too long ago, when he got told off by the producers, because they found out he was out hiking on his own in the Highlands in early December. 

"Got in very much trouble then, too," he remembers. "My Mom let me run around pretty freely, but I had to be home at a certain time and now and again, I wasn't. Forgot the time, forgot how long the way back would be and such." He grimaces. "She was seldom really mad at me, but then she was. Usually I was punctual then for the next month until the next incident."

She yawns and stretches out next to him looking at the ceiling. "I was lucky, that I was one of the youngest in our family. My older siblings let me tag along most of the time, so I always had someone to play. I think I was never on my own." She turns her head and looks at him. "I only learned to be truly alone when I became a model. It was tough at first."  
He watches her face, which is suddenly so near to his own. Absently he admires her clear skin, the fine structure of her bones and the beautiful mouth as he done countless times since he's met her for the first time.   
"Do you like being on your own now though?" he asks.   
"Not much," she says. "I guess that's why I have Eddie." She gives a little snort. "And why I had some not so great relationships in the past which I should have ended sooner."

He nods "I'm a bit of a loner. I do like being with people in general. I mean, I like being with you here right now," he clarifies. "But overall I need my space from time to time. I'd say that's not the best personality for a relationship either. Maybe that's why most of them ended so soon." He laughs. 

"Oh dear," she says and smiles at him, her eyes clear and icy blue, laughing into his own. He loves those little wrinkles at the corners when she is genuinely amused, which is very often. He can see the very light freckles on her nose. They're so light you only detect them if you're very close to her and he is. In fact they're lying next to each other on her bed way too close for friendship, but he feels unable to move to give her a more appropriate space. She doesn't move either. He's surprised by the sudden wave of desire rushing through him. How is she doing it, he wonders. There's something about her, that sets him on fire from one moment to the next and he never sees it coming. 

He clears his throat in an attempt to get rid of the sudden constriction in his throat. "Do you miss it?" he asks and his voice sounds hoarse even to his own ears.  
"Miss what?"  
"Being in a relationship."  
She wrinkles her nose. "I'd love to say, I don't."  
"Why?" he asks. "What's bad about missing it? I certainly do."  
She sighs. "It sounds so dependant. I try to tell myself, that I can be perfectly happy without a man. Better single than in a bad relationship."  
He nods. "Okay, I agree here. But still...," a slow grin is twitching at the corner of his mouth.   
She returns it. "Yeah... I know."  
He falls on his back and sighs. "Yeah..."  
She giggles and looks down on him. "That bad?"  
"Come on," he groans. "Why do you think I spend so much time in the gym?"  
That makes them both laugh. "Too much testosterone, Sam. I've lived with boyfriends who were not into it at all. Life with them was actually not much different to my life now..."

He raises his brow. "You got to be kidding. I mean look at you!"  
"Well, thank you, but I swear it's true."  
"Ok, I'm glad to say, that I think my testosterone level is just fine." he grins. "Current state of frustration or not."  
"And it's so very good for your physique," she laughs. "All that weight lifting and running and crunching and stuff. You probably should stay single forever when it comes to the producers. Once you'll have sex again you might lose your Jamie body."

"Don't worry," he says. "I'm perfectly ready to have both. And btw physical activity of that kind is good for burning calories, too. If it lasts longer than five minutes that is." He snorts.  
"Ah, maybe that would be finally an exercise I could be friends with," she laughs. "I'm so lazy. I started with Pilates in LA, but I haven't got around to find a class here. Sex certainly would be easier and you don't even have to leave the house!"

He doesn't answer, just smiles and then his smiles fades as they're staring intently at each other.  
"No," she whispers. "That's certainly a bad idea, right?"  
He doesn't move. Neither does she.  
"We're colleagues," she says. "We'll have to work with each other maybe for years. It's all going so well."  
He nods, but still doesn't speak. Her eyes are wide and blue and he can't for the Lord look away now. 

Finally he finds his voice again. "I didn't invite you on this trip, because I wanted sex," he says. "I hope you know that."  
"I know," she says. "But it's in the room now, isn't it?"  
"I guess for me it was in the room the minute I've met you," he admits. "It's our much talked about chemistry, right?"  
"Probably."  
He sighs. "We're both adults, I guess. We can deal with it one way or the other."  
"Which is the other?" she asks  
"Just ignore the attraction and try to get over it."  
He looks at her. She licks her lips. "Or we give in, but then what?" Her voice is almost a whisper.

"Then what?" he echoes and before they really know what is happening no who started it, they're kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to break it up here, but the chapter simply got too long. You won't have to wait long for the continuation, I promise. I have it almost finished!


	6. Paris Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I would post the next chapter as fast as I could, didn't I? I'm a bit nervous about this one. I hope you'll enjoy!  
> Warning: this chapter contains implied sex and some swearing.

Paris II.

His hands come up to frame her face as she is rolling on top of him, his fingers lost in her hair, his thumbs grazing the skin just below her temples. They kiss hungrily at first, their tongues in a frenzy battle, but after the first heated moments, he slows the kiss gently. Sam pretty much loses any sense of reality and time very quickly, when she is sighing into him. Sensations, feelings, it all becomes a heavy, wonderful, delicious darkness where there is only the two of them. Blindly they fumble with their clothing, never losing the contact of their lips while they try to get rid off as many layers as they can. Sam grins against her lips, when she impatiently tugs his shirt from his pants and nearly rips it in the process. He helps her pulling her t-shirt over her head and they both groan when skin meets skin for the first time. 

He puts his hands at her waist and lifts her so he can roll them around and he is on top of her. Slowly he leans down then, trailing a path with his lips along her neck, over her collarbone down to her breast. She's still wearing her bra and he's grazing the line of it with his lips. He smiles when he feels her arching into him and moves his hands up to unclasp the bra, but then then a sudden thought strikes and his eyes widen. He raises on his hands, looking down on her with a frown. 

"Fuck," he says. "I don't have any condoms."  
Her eyes glazed with passion find focus and stare into his. "Oh no," she groans, letting her head fall into the mattress. "I don't have any either."  
For a second they just look at each other, but then their mutual look of disappointment and exasperation is so pronounced, that they break into a giggle.  
"Oh my god," he laughs. "Tell me this isn't true!" He falls on his back next to her. "At least, if you needed proof, that I didn't plan this," he sighs. "Here it is."

He turns his head and smiles at her. "Come here."  
She rolls towards him with a sigh and snuggles her face into his chest.  
"Too bad," she says. "Now we'll have all the time in the world to think about all the reasons why we shouldn't do this anyway."  
"You think so?" he asks while his fingers trace down her arm. Fascinated he watches little bumps of goose flesh appear and he bends down to kiss her shoulder. "You think it's fate?" 

She closes her eyes and he moves his lips higher, over her shoulder and neck up to her face. He kisses her gently, tenderly and smiles into her opening eyes, when his lips retreat slowly from hers.  
"You don't want me to go out, find the next condom machine somewhere or an open drug store and come back?" he whispers.  
For a long while they just look into each other's eyes.  
She swallows hard. "Fuck fate" she says. "I want you to run and to come back as fast as you can."

***

Their last day in Paris starts with a beautiful winter sunrise. He lazily opens his eyes, when a sunbeam tickles his face and before he is even fully awake, his mouth widens into a broad smile. His gaze travels to his left where she is lying close to him, lying on her belly, fast asleep, her relaxed face slightly touching his arm. Her hair is spilling all over the cushion and he can see her dark lashes fanning her cheeks. 

He's still sleepy himself, it has been a short night for them, but who complains when the reason for the lack of sleep is lying next to him and looking good enough to eat. Contentedly he turns towards her and pulls her nearer. She follows his gentle tug and rolls on her side, spooning her body into him.

"Hm?" she murmurs.  
"Hm," he answers.  
With a sigh he closes his arms around her, buries his nose into her neck and breathes her in.  
Heaven, he thinks before sleep claims him again. This must be what heaven feels like. 

 

They don't leave the hotel. They order room service for breakfast and later for lunch, too. Short naps, long talks, interrupted by love making, some of it fierce then again very gentle and deliberately slow. 

It's after such an encounter, that they lie opposite each other, just looking into each other's eyes.  
"Better?" she smiles.  
"Much," he grins. "Much, much."  
She laughs. "Yeah."  
He sobers then. "I wonder though..." he stops.  
"What?"  
"What are we going to do now?" he asks. "At work?"

She sighs. "I honestly don't know." She moves nearer to him and he opens his arms. "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship." She presses a kiss to his chest and places her head just over his heart. "Is that okay? I don't want you to think this didn't mean anything to me," she hastily adds. "Because it did and it is wonderful. I just... well, I think it is a bit early to know what it means yet."  
He nods. He contemplates her sentence for a while. "I see. Maybe we should just wait a bit and see? Not tell anyone, but figure it out for ourselves at first."  
"Yes," she says. "I think that's the best idea." 

"But you don't regret it, do you?" he asks anxiously. "Because I really don't."  
"No!" she assures him immediately. "No, not at all. God, you must know how much I enjoyed it, I mean... if you're not deaf."  
He chuckles. "You're so good yourself," he growls into her ear, but then sobers again. "No, I meant emotionally. I think physically we both agree, that it was great, don't we? But are you okay with it happening at all?"

To his relief she smiles. "I am," she says. "I trust you. It feels very good and not just physically. We don't know each other for so long and it is weird to feel so close to you in that short a time, but I do. I really do."  
He nods. "Yes, I feel the same. And I'm not gonna lie to you, I do want a relationship with you. But I'm open for waiting how it develops. If we find it's too much pressure with us working so closely together, then I hope we'll be able to say so without ruining our friendship."

"You're great," she says and kisses him again. "Really, really great. Suddenly her smile turns into a laugh. "If all fails, at least the sex scenes will be much easier now, don't you think? You've seen it all now, no big excitement any more."  
He gives her the once over and raises a brow. "No excitement over this..." his hand gently cups her breast, then moves down over her belly and still further down. "Hm," he murmurs against her lips, her mouth opening to his demanding tongue. "I doubt that very much."

 

They leave Paris in the late afternoon. Both are silent on their drive to the airport, but Sam has his arm around her shoulders and she leans into him, as they drive through the city. When they pass the Eiffel tower again, Cait raises her face to his. "Thank you for the lovely weekend," she whispers.


	7. Longing over Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In light of what happened last week, I did indeed think about whether I should continue with this story. But then I decided, that I make it clear, that this story is a fantasy. It has the name of real people in it, but I don't know their real lifes and the stories are write a purely fictional. I try to be as respectful as I can and there's a line I'm not going to cross.   
> I hope you, dear readers, will enjoy this chapter.

Longing over Christmas.

The day after they come back from Paris, Caitriona leaves for Ireland to celebrate Christmas and NYE with her family. Sam knew beforehand they wouldn't see each other for almost two weeks. What he didn't count on: How much he would miss her.

The first days are the worst. He feels like a caged animal all the sudden. He goes to the gym a lot, working out like crazy. John gives him the sideye, but doesn't say anything. When he's not working out, Sam tries to catch up on everything he didn't find the time for during the last and exhausting months of filming. He meets with several friends whom he hasn't seen for ages, because of his gruelling schedule over the last months. It's fun to see his mates again, but it is also difficult. They want to know about his new job and they tease him about the sex scenes he's supposed to have with his beautiful co-star. Sam hopes he's not as pink in his face as he feels, but then he laughs with them good naturedly. He changes the topic at first opportunity. 

In truth he lives for his daily face timing with her. They only casually said they would face time and text over the week, but in the end it's every day and it's get harder and harder for him to end their talks, because it's the highlight of his day. Some days they continue by texting deep into the night and he falls asleep with his mobile still in his hand, clutched to his heart. 

Christmas day he drives to his mother and spends the day with his family. It's nice, but again it's difficult not to talk about Caitriona. His heart feels so full of her and naturally the show is a huge topic for his family, too. They want to know how it is working with the new colleagues, especially his female co-star and he would love to tell them, but is afraid to say too much and reveal his feelings. So he remains non committal and strangely tied lipped about her and when he drives home on boxing day morning, he wonders if they will worry he doesn't like her at all.

He hasn't made any plans for New year. He had thought about meeting up with Luke and Matt to celebrate it in London, but they haven't really talked about it. There are other friends he could call, but he is still delaying it without real reason. If he's honest, he doesn't feel like it. The only person he really longs to be around is Cait. He's astonished how much he misses her and he wonders if it would scare the hell out of her, if she knew. He wonders if she misses him, too.

When she calls him two days before New year, she asks about his plans and he has to admit, that he has none. He tells her he will just stay at home, binge watch a show, drink a bit of Laphroaig and reflect on the last crazy year. 

"Can I come?" she asks and for a second he doesn't trust his voice before he answers, that yes, of course she can, that he would be delighted and why she is changing her plans, when she had initially planned to stay in Ireland? He hears in her laugh, that despite all his efforts he's Probably sounding abit overexcited, but when she answers she doesn't sound any less enthusiastic. "I miss Eddie," she says. "And actually I miss you, too." He is sure his heart stops at that moment. 

She tells him, she will fly into Glasgow the morning of the 31st and he tells her he will be at the airport, but she says he better not. The chance that anyone is going to recognize them is small, but she doesn't want to risk it. She tells him she will go home by herself, see Eddie and then come over to his flat around seven. 

The next day seems to be endless. He leaves for the gym very early, because he can't sleep any more. After a long and hard session he drives home to shower and then he goes and buys groceries for the next day. In the afternoon he is lucky, because Duncan calls and they meet in a pub for a few drinks. "How's Cait doing?" Duncan asks casually and not for the first time Sam wonders what he knows. "She's in Ireland," he says. "But coming home soon." He doesn't add, that they will see each other tomorrow, but he is sure his face reveals it all and so he tries to cover it by raising his pint to drink. 

They part very late that night and so Sam sleeps in the next morning. When he finally wakes up, it's already past the time Cait's flight was bound to land. He checks with the airport quickly and sees that the plane arrived safely. He battles with himself to call her, but then decides against it and only texts her: "Happy to be home?"  
She sends a kissing emoji and he feels ridiculously happy about it. 

She's punctual as usual and so two minutes to seven his door bell rings. His heart is hammering in his chest when he goes to open the door. Unsure how to greet her, he just smiles, but she isn't as shy and flings herself at him instantly. He closes his arms around her and then they're kissing like crazy. Dimly he is aware that the door is still open and he closes it with his foot. 

He doesn't know how long they kiss or how they end up in the living room and on his sofa for that matter. He only becomes aware of his surroundings again, when she raises her head and crinkles her nose. "I think something is burning," she remarks.  
"The Lasagne!" he cries out and with a swift movement he lifts her from his body. "I hope it's not ruined!"

Thank god it isn't. The cheese is a tad darker than it should, but she assures him, with laughter in her voice, that she loves it that way. He has already laid the table, so they sit down and eat. She has brought a bottle of wine with her. She tells him it's a present from a friend who is a big wine expert They agree that it is delicious. She entertains him with stories about her Christmas. Right in the middle of a sentence, she takes his hand in his and he closes his fingers around hers, changing his fork to the other side and eating one handed which she acknowledges with a smile. 

He tells her about his friends and family and that it was a bit difficult to talk about the show without giving them away. She agrees and says it is one reason she came back early. It just was exhausting. "And I thought it would be nice to have a few days here, before we have to go to LA," she adds. 

He leans over and kisses her. Her mouth is warm and delicious, tasting of the excellent wine they had. She is responding to his kiss and quickly they decide that dinner is over and that they should move to the couch. They turn on the TV, but they don't really watch, too much occupied with each other to care. They're both still fully dress, but their hands are wandering more and more and starting to explore under layers of clothing. Sam is incredibly turned on. "Let's move this to another room?" he suggests and she nods in approval. 

At midnight they watch the fireworks over the city from his window, wrapped in a blanket, both reflecting silently on the exciting year they had and the big change in their life, that lies before them.   
"Happy new year," he whispers to her and she answers with a kiss. "Happy new year," she whispers back.


	8. City of Loneliness

City of Loneliness

Sam doesn't know what he thought their time in LA would be like. He didn't think he would spend the first night alone in his hotel room though. She is apologetic about it when they talk about the hotel phone and he is understanding, but he feels bad and alone anyway. He had thought they would be in this experience together. 

It starts right when they leave Scotland. They fly on different planes, because that's how the studio booked it. Sam is flying with Ron, it's an enjoyable flight. He is still unused to the comfort of flying business and being able to stretch out his long legs and not be crammed into a much too tight space. They drink a bit of Whiskey and they talk a lot about the show, Star Trek and what awaits them at the TCA press panel, so the time passes enjoyable. He would have preferred to fly with Cait anyway.

When he checks into his hotel after their arrival in LA, he asks for Cait and hears she has already arrived. With a slight feeling of annoyance, he notices, that their rooms are two floors apart, but of course they can't say anything about that. No one knows of their relationship after all. 

After a shower he dials her room number, but she doesn't answer. He unpacks some of his things, gets dressed and decides that he will go and knock on her door. Maybe they can grab something to eat nearby, he's hungry. Business class or not, plane food is still bad.

She's not there and he starts to wonder where she might be? Did she really arrive already? Was the friendly guy at the reception right about that? He tries texting her. "Where are you? Call me." and decides to go for lunch alone then. 

He buys a newspaper on his way out of the hotel. After a little bit of searching he finds a café that looks promising. He sits down and starts reading, but he isn't really paying attention. He is still puzzled. The receptionist told him again, that Cait arrived about an hour before him and so he wonders where she might be? Why didn't she leave a message? 

50 minutes later he is on his way back to the hotel, when his phone buzzes. "Cait?"  
"I'm sorry, Sam," he hears her voice over the phone. "Karolyna surprised me at the airport. She has planned this party for me tonight. I'm actually in her rest room now, because I couldn't think of an excuse why I had to call you so urgently."

His heart sinks. He had been looking forward to their first evening here together. A little breather before the hustle of the TCA tomorrow. He has never experienced anything like that, he was hoping to talk about it with her beforehand. 

But it's not her fault of course. None of her friends know about him and they're of course excited to have her back for a few days. It's understandable and he tries his best to swallow his disappointment. She feels it though, he can hear it in her voice when she asks him if he will be OK?

"Of course," he says bravely. "Enjoy the evening."  
Obviously he has done a good job, because she sounds a bit more cheerful in her next sentence. "I told them we will have an early start tomorrow, so I won't be back too late."

"Call me," he says. "No matter how late, OK? I just wanna know that you got here safely."  
She promises to do that and ends the call. He stares at his phone for second and ponders what he's going to do with the rest of the day. He could call Amy? She's a good friend, he has even lived with her and two other friends for a while. It would be a good opportunity to see her, because she would be certainly mad if they didn't find the time to meet when he's in LA. 

He tries her number, but she's not at home. He leaves a message. Then he decides he will try the hotel's gym. A workout is a good way to clear his head and with luck it will wear him out enough, so he will be happy to just stay in his room later and watch TV.

Working out proves to be a good choice. He feels much better afterwards. It's indeed early when Cait calls him at half past eight, that she's in her room now. She sounds so knackered though, that he asks her if she wants to go straight to bed and she gladly accepts. 

Sam lies awake for a long time. Jet lag, excitement and a the nagging feeling of uneasiness. He can't quite put his finger on it, but he feels something is wrong. He battles with himself for a while to go to Cait's room, but it's two floors away and he doesn't know if she would be okay with it. She's probably already asleep? 

He turns from one side to the other, wishing she was here. Just to feel her lying next to him would be nice. They have slept in each other's arms nearly every night since New Year and he's amazed how fast he has become used to it. He misses her terribly. Her warmth, her smell enveloping him, the feel of her body spooning into his. He turns again, groaning. He's wide awake. 

What if she feels the same? Maybe she can't sleep either? 

Before he has formed a conscious decision, his body has made it for him. He's halfway through his room, before he knows where he is going.

She opens her door almost immediately after his soft knock and his heart lifts when she smiles at seeing him. Sam sighs and encloses her in his arms. "I couldn't sleep," he murmurs apologetically into her hair. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

Suddenly all is well. Without a word she takes his hand and drags him with her to the large bed in the middle of the room. When they get under the cover together and she snuggles into him, he feels better instantly. His last thought before sleep takes over is, that it is like coming home. 

The next day is insane. Sam barely manages to sneak out of the room, before Cait's stylist and Make up artist arrive and his stylist is already in front of his room when he gets there. Sam murmurs something about "gym" and hopes he isn't as pink in the face as he feels. They really should have set their alarm earlier. 

Or maybe not have given into temptation of a prolonged session of glorious morning sex on a morning when they're under a lot of time pressure?   
But then again, she was so cute and irresistible, he just couldn't help wanting her like crazy and she could have been a little less responsive, right? 

Sam becomes aware that he is grinning and that the stylist has been saying something to him, obviously waiting for a response. He clears his throat and says. "Sorry, what was it you were saying?"

They decide on a kilt for the TCA panel. The Scottishnesof the show is important. Fans of the books will love it and they are the people who's interest has to be stirred. The buzz about the show among the book readers is already huge and the excitement is supposed to mount until the show will premiere in the fall. That's a long way from now and they don't have anything to show to press or fans yet. They have to relate on Scotland, their good looks and their own wit and charm to promote the show as best as they can. 

After the panel there's one press interview after the next. Everyone is very nice, the questions are always the same and after the first few Sam feels himself relaxing. It's not that difficult. He can feel that it's the same for Cait, who's smile becomes more and more genuine and sparkling over the day. During a short coffee break they wonder if they will meet these people and answer these kind of questions for the next few years in a row. If the show becomes the success they hope it will be, it is possible. 

When they finally come back to their hotel that night, Amy has called. She is excited he is in town and would like to meet. A look at his schedule tells him though, that there won't be the time any more. He calls her and is sad when he hears her disappointment, but he knows there will be another long day tomorrow and then they'll leave the day after. There's no way to fit it in, even if it is just a short visit. 

He has just ended his call, when his phone buzzes. It's Cait.   
"Hey," he says. "Have you eaten something yet? I was thinking of the restaurant here in the hotel..."  
She interrupts him. "I'm sorry, Sam. Karolyna just called. She's coming over for dinner. I said I can't come to her place again, because I'm so knackered, but she said she will drive here instead..."

He swallows. "OK," he finally says. In his head he is asking why she doesn't introduce him to her best friend? He knows she hasn't seen Karolyna for a while and probably won't see her for months, but... He doesn't ask. He said he would give her space so he will give her space. And they both said they would keep their relationship a secret for a while. Still...

She probably hears, that he's not happy, but for once he doesn't care. He ends the call by wishing her a good time, he's not that much of a jerk after all, but she must have heard in his voice, that he is angry and disappointed. Second evening in a row where he will sit alone his hotel room with nothing to do and no one to talk to. He sighs and decides that he will go to the gym again. It always helps. And he will not go to her room tonight. If she wants to be with him, she has to come to him.

She doesn't.

Next day is the fan event. They only meet when the car that will take them to the event is already there. She's looking fantastic in a purple dress and the butterflies in his stomach are immediately there. He can't help it.

She smiles when she sees him, but doesn't say anything and he wonders how to get at ease with her again. But then she turns to him, the minute the car starts rolling and pulls him towards her, kissing him thoroughly and he returns it just as enthusiastically. "I missed you," she murmured and his heart sours. "Not as much as I did," he manages between kisses. "I thought you would come over," he then adds when they both come up for air.   
"Couldn't," she says. "Karolyna stayed over, since it got so late."

Too soon they have to withdraw from each other, because the car slows down. Cait reapplies her lipstick and gives him a critical loo.   
"You should wipe that off," she grins and points at his upper lip. "Otherwise people will wonder."  
He does so, when they get out of the car, but he realizes, that part of him would love to leave it. He sighs. Hiding their relationship is harder than he had thought.

The fan event is fun. The fans seem to be so enthusiastic and very welcome to them as actors of their favourite characters. Cait is sparkling and he can't help looking at her at every possible moment. They laugh and flirt and the fans seem to love it, so they do it a bit more.   
After the fan event, they meet some fans outside and write autographs for them. It's a great feeling and a first for them both. They both don't have too much experience with fame so far, being only in small productions. It's weird to be admired all the sudden, but also exciting.

They both talk about it on their way back to the hotel. Sam doesn't ask what she's going to do tonight. He doesn't want to be disappointed again. If it's gym again, it will be gym again, he thinks. Nothing bad about working out anyway. Looking at her, seeing her return his smile, he knows everything is al right between them. Tomorrow they'll fly back and in Scotland everything will be easier. Less hype and less secrecy. He's looking forward to it.

He's prepared for her to tell him she's doing something with her friends again, when they arrive at the hotel, but when the elevator door closes behind them, she turns to him with a grin.   
"What do you say? Room service?" she asks and her voice has that special tone, that he knows so very well by now and that causes heat rushing through him from head to toe.

"No other plans?" he asks anyway while he pulls her towards him. "Won't Karolyna be disappointed?"  
She blushes. "I confessed," she murmurs. "You don't mind, do you? She's my best friend."  
He shakes his head and kisses her until the elevator stops on her floor. "Not at all," he says. "May I tell Luke, too?"  
She laughs and pulls him out of the eleveator and towards her room. He follows willingly and with a grin on his face.   
In her room she turns around and puts her arms around his neck   
"Secrecy is all good and well," she whispers. "But not when it separates me from you."

They order room service much, much later and the TV stays out for the whole evening.


	9. Magical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone, that it took me so long to update the story. Life just gets in the way sometimes. I'm still here though and still writing, don't worry! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I think it was a magical moment for our ship.

Magical 

The next months fly by. They're incredibly busy with filming the show and there is little time for anything but work. Cait has an even more gruelling schedule than Sam and he tries to be as supportive as he can in the little free time she has. When he's not filming himself, he cooks for her, helps her learning her lines for the next day and just tries to be helpful. It's good that he is from the same business, because he knows what she needs when she comes home late with an early morning call just a few hours away.

They have told their closest friends by now, or at least they implied that there's an affair. They're still reluctant to put a name on what there is between them and Cait especially is very careful not to let anyone at work know. Sam is sure Duncan suspects something, but he is nice enough not to ask or to remark on it. 

It's weird when they have to film their big sex scenes. Sam needs a bit of time to relax, because he's incredibly nervous, that people might see something strange in the way he and Cait interact. Cait, while more determined on keeping their relationship a secret, is much cooler about it and he admires her for it. But then again he knows that every actor is probably nervous in the beginning when filming such scenes and so the crew probably doesn't find anything strange in his behaviour. He's very careful to be respectful to Cait and in the beginning he keeps to the choreography of the scenes almost religiously, until he notices, that Cait just forgets about choreography after a few takes and does what she wants and what is born in the moment. Once he relaxes enough to do the same, their scenes get much easier to film.

At one weekend Sam goes to London to meet his mates and that's when he tells Luke about Cait. His reaction is mostly concern. Just like Cait's best friends he warns about the dangers, about the influence this might have on their work, about the danger of them breaking up and falling out over it. Sam almost laughs about it. It's not as if they haven't talked about it and and even fought about it during the last months. 

There's always the moment when Cait withdraws a bit, when she doesn't call for two days in a row after long filming days and doesn't come over either and these days leave Sam anxious and restless, because the one thing he knows in this madness now is, that he can't do it all without her. He can't help himself, he needs her. He needs her desperately in his life. When she is with him again after such a quiet day and she comes to him affectionate, warm and giving, his soul opens up like a flower does to light and water.

Then again there's the point when he suddenly needs space and air and time for himself and when he spends one of the rare free days they could have together with hiking and climbing Munros. In the past these "ego trips" as an ex girlfriend called them, were always a reason for arguments and for a bad atmosphere in the relationship. With Cait it is different. He thinks she doesn't just put a good front on it, but she really understands. She seems to know that he needs his freedom some times, to recharge and to be able to give again. So instead of making a face, she kisses him goodbye sleepily in the early morning hours, when he leaves for such a tour and she welcomes him back warmly into her arms, when he comes through the door that night, exhausted, sweaty, kissed by wind and sun and sometimes rain or storm but always ultimately happy. 

The passion they have for each other doesn't lessen and that is something new for him, too. Even after a very long day and when he's feeling utterly shattered, he still finds himself wanting her constantly. A certain way to smile at him, the way she moves, her giggle, the way she plays with her hair when she talks to him sometimes, a glance she gives him over her shoulder and he's on fire. What is it that drives him so absolutely crazy about her? He can't put a finger on it, but his body's response to her is beyond everything he's ever experienced. 

And then there are those magical moments, where he almost can't breathe from all the pent up emotion in him and when he feels like wanting to sweep her into his arms and run away with her. Or ask her to marry him. Or just take her up against that huge rock and fuck her senseless. Or just worship her with kisses. Or just laugh with her and talk with her through the night. A moment like the one when they climb North Berwick Law together. 

They're filming on location in East Lothian and they're staying in a little hotel near the coast. A surprisingly short filming day sees them with unexpected free time in the afternoon and that's when Sam proposes to walk to the top of the mountain that they can see from their hotel. 

"Are you mad?" Cait asks, a sceptical brow raised. "This looks bloody exhausting for a free afternoon."

"Come on, you'll love it," he teases. "I bet the view is terrific from up there." 

She's not completely against it, he can see it and he's eager to show her how beautiful it is to climb to the top of a hill. "I'll give you a feet rub later, I promise," he grins. "And a massage, too. Like a real athlete."

That makes her laugh. The truth is she just can't resist him any more than he can resist her and he knows it, so she finally shrugs her shoulders and agrees. 

They drive to the foot of the mountain and park their car. Since it's already late in the afternoon there seem to be no other tourists there, they're all alone on their way up. It's a short, steep walk and Cait is jokingly threatening him with all kind of horrors that she will do to him later, because the only shoes she has with her are a pair of boots with heels, which is not the best footwork for a climb, even a short one. 

Still half an hour later they're already at the top and the view is indeed breathtaking. Sam watches enchanted how excited Cait is about being able to spot Edinburgh Castle. Her hair is flying around her face, her cheeks are rosy from the wind and her eyes are sparkling. Sam is sure he has never seen her more beautiful. They take two selfies and post them to twitter and then they just stay at the top, Sam with his arms wrapped around her and they take in the view while the sun starts going down. 

They finally decide, that they have to start their descent if they don't want to be caught by darkness. Hand in hand they walk down. They don't talk much, but each time they catch each other's eyes, they smile. 

It's already dark when they get to their hotel. Usually when they're filming on location, they meet with other cast and crew members in the evening and hang out a bit, but by silent agreement they avoid the bar and sneak in unseen and to Cait's room. After a long shower, she gets her feet rub and the promised massage and naturally things lead to more. Much more and it has them both lying on their back, panting afterwards and grinning at each other like idiots. 

"Thank you," Cait whispers to him later. "It was a magical day." 

He kisses her softly and she spoons her body into him, closing her eyes. 

"No, thank you," he whispers back. He strokes the soft skin of her bare shoulders, breathing in the smell of her hair and smiles. Magical is the right word. Whatever he has with her, it is magical. He listens to her even breathing and there's a certainty in him, that has never been there before.

"I love you," he whispers.


	10. Caught

Caught

Summer comes and the ending of the filming nears. But before they wrap up they go to Comic Con in San Diego and to their world premier. So far they have been in their Scottish bubble, filming mostly unrecognised in Scotland, far from the hype around the show, but the closer the premier date gets, the more nervous they are. How will the book fans react to the show? How will other viewers react? Will it be a success?

It's their first Comic Con, too. They've heard about it, the fans, the craziness, the fun, but they're still overwhelmed when they get there and fans get crazy wherever they see them. They joke about their huge body guards. "Big Al" and "Big Ben" are like giants and they're the biggest guys around so everyone can see them from very far. There are people dressed in kilts at the convention and they're shouting "Outlander" whenever they see one of the stars.

After the experience of LA in January, Sam is a little bit apprehensive how it will be between them with Ron and Diana around. Will Cait subtly put a little bit of distance between them while they're there? Or will she be as she is in Scotland now: Loving, warm and openly affectionate with him?

She is. This time he doesn't have to spend his nights alone in his room. They're lucky, their rooms are on the same floor and even next to each other. No problem at all to stay together without anyone noticing. The only thing they have to remember is setting their alarm bell very early in the morning so Sam can sneak back before Claire's stylist arrives, but he jokes their secret affair is good for his discipline, because he can't be tempted to skip his early workouts in the gym for another kind of workout.   
"Even though I would love to," he adds, kissing her neck and down to her collarbone.   
She chuckles sleepily. "You can play hokey when we are back in Glasgow. Now away with you, Tara is always punctual and you only have 5 minutes left."

He sighs and with a last kiss, that leaves them both wanting for more, he withdraws reluctantly and leaves. Tonight is the big night. Their premier The first time an audience will see the first episode of their show. It's the Highlight of their visit here and the mere thought of it gives him butterflies. But before the premier, they have a last panel in the morning and he has to hurry, if he wants to do a quick workout session and still be on time. 

Walking the red carpet in the evening works perfectly. Sam is in a kilt and he knows he looks good. It gives him the confidence he needs not to be intimidated by the thought that the fans will see him as the iconic Jamier Fraser for the first time tonight. Cait is stunning as ever. Sam can barely take his eyes off her and more than once he has to check what his hands do, because the need to touch her is almost unbearable. There're several interviewers and he notices, that he gets more and more used to all the attention. While in LA in January, he felt still a bit on edge all the time, he is now much more relaxed and able to answer the questions confidently. The only person who still has the ability to make him blush is Cait. She's complimenting him in every interview and he is almost breathless how her eyes rest on him full of warmth and pride while she is doing it. He doesn't get tired of telling the journalists, how lucky he feels to work with her either. His heart is filled with her this evening, how much she means to him and how much they have achieved together. He knows he can't tell the world how he really feels about her, but he feels it very clearly tonight, even more than on any other day during the last months since Paris.

They sit next to each other in the theatre and the second the lights go out, Sam feels Cait's hand searching for his. He gives it a reassuring squeeze and holds it for the remaining hour while they're watching the first episode. They haven't watched it before either, so it's just as new to them as it is to the audience. It's good. It's really good. The emotion in the audience palpable, they sigh and laugh at the right moment and then Jamie appears for the first time and a murmur goes through the crowd and Cait squeezes his hand. "Awww," someone sighs and Sam feels his heartbeat speed up. They like him. They like Jamie! It's so important! He takes a deep breath. He wishes he could lean over and kiss Cait, but of course he can't, so he just holds her hand, his thumb stroking the outside of her fingers lightly. 

Then it's over and the reaction is immediate. Applause roars and viewer after viewer stands up to give standing ovations. Sam feels goose flesh all over his body. Cait is beaming at him and he smiles back. "It's a success," she says and her eyes sparkle with tears. "They love it, Sam. They love it!"

There's a Q&A after the viewing, but Sam later can't say what was asked or said. It all passes very quickly and in a bit of a blur. He's too excited and too happy to take full notice of his surroundings. He wonders later if he made any sense at all.

Afterwards they all go to dinner and to celebrate. It's a wonderful evening, everyone is giddy with happiness and excitement. The later the evening gets though, the harder Sam finds it to hide his feelings for Cait. In fact he finds it hard to direct his eyes anywhere else but her face and when she is sitting next to him, he has to make a fist to keep his hand reaching out to touch her. They sit way too close, he knows it, but he hopes the others are too drunk to notice. He is a bit drunk himself, but it's just the nice, warm state of buzz, where your limbs go a bit heavy and everything is glowing around you. Cait is happily tipsy, too and that makes her even more ready to cuddle into him than normal. He can breathe in her unique smell. Expensive perfume mixes with her skin to a delicious combination that makes him want to kiss her so badly, that he has to bite the inside of his cheeks. He clears his throat and swallows and watches her red lips, smiling at him. Does she know what she's doing to him? Being drunk also makes her frisky, he knows, and that thought alone fuels the warmth spreading through him and settling nicely in the neither regions of his body. Her hand is on his thigh while she talks to Maril, who is sitting on his other side and Sam tries to look as nonchalant as possible, while his mind is searching for a way to get her out of the room and into bed with him as quickly as possible. She smiles at him again and raises an eyebrow. Oh yes, she knows.

He excuses himself and goes to the rest room. When he comes out of it she's standing at the wall, waiting for him.   
"You are in trouble," he says. Taking a quick look around, he gently pushes her to the wall, pressing himself against her, letting her feel exactly what she does to him. She laughs and presses back, her arms finding the way around his neck.   
"Trouble, huh?" she asks innocently. "What could you possible mean?"  
He chuckles, kissing her thoroughly. "I'll show you," he then murmurs against her throat, "Later in your room." 

Then Cait gasps and he knows instantly it is not because of his teeth scraping her neck lightly and it's also not because his hand has found it's way under the hem of her very short dress.   
Slowly he raises his head, following her glance and he looks directly in the shocked face of Maril Davis. 

xxxx

"OK guys," Maril says a few minutes later. She has given them no time for an explanation. Just shoved them into the next bar , away from the others, who are still celebrating in the dining room.   
"Please tell me you're just drunk."  
"We are," Cait says the same second as Sam says "We aren't."   
Cait puts her head in her hands. "I'm sorry," she whispers. 

Silence. 

Maril orders drinks for them and for a while neither of them speaks.   
Finally Maril puts her glass down. "Guys, I can't pretend, that this isn't serious. Because it is."  
Sam wants to say something, but Maril shakes her head. "Let me just say this."  
She looks at the glass in her hand and takes a deep breath. "You know I love you both. I do. And I'm not blind. I mean it is why we hired you, isn't it? Your chemistry is amazing for a reason. You just fit. Everyone who has worked with you guys has felt the attraction between you and it is beautiful!"

"But", she raises her eyes and looks directly at them. "It is dangerous. It's dangerous for the show, but it's also dangerous for yourself. You're right at the beginning now. Right now it is all exciting and fun and you're floating on a cloud of adrenaline. But this cloud won't hold. The fun will turn into serious work over the next months and hopefully years and you two will have to work long days with each other. The pressure will rise, as will the attention. If you two are a couple in real life, your relationship will be watched by millions of people and they will scrutinize it and gossip about it with every picture that is shot behind the scenes. Every scene you do will be watched with speculation. And imagine you'll break up? What then?"

Maril takes a sip and swallows. "Remember, guys, that you're at the beginning of your careers. This is your big breakthrough. Are you willing to risk it? Because that's what you do. Are you sure this is worth it? Risking your friendship, your career and the show over it? Are you sure you know what you're doing here?"

Before Sam or Caitriona can answer, she stands up and puts down her glass. "Don't answer me now. Think about it. Think about it and let me know what you decide."

Without another word she leaves.

xxxx

"She's right," Cait whispers later. She's lying in his arms and they're both staring at the ceiling. They're naked. They made love, urgently, desperately, but they're not happy. 

After Maril leaves, they doesn't know what to say or what to do. At first they just sit there almost paralysed, drinking and staring hopelessly at each other. Then Sam throws the money for the drinks on the table, takes her hand and pulls her out of the bar, through the hall and directly up to their room. If they have to talk, they can't do it in public. 

In their room Cait throws herself at him as soon as the door closes behind them and Sam responds immediately. Her dress is up in seconds and her knickers on the floor join his pants. He has her right there against the door, hard and hungry and desperate. They cling together afterwards, she has her legs around him and her face buried into his neck, he has his arms closed tightly around her, as if he never wants to let her go. He carries her over to the bed and let himself fall on it backwards, with her on top of him. He still doesn't let go and she sighs and snuggles even closer into him.

They don't talk. After a while Sam turns them around and starts to kiss her and she reciprocates. They kiss long and tenderly, they mouths soft on each other, eyes closed, tongues playing, lips touching and retreating. His hands are warm, framing her face, his long fingers gently in her hair. She sighs into him and he answers with even more tenderness. Without breaking their kiss he moves to enter her again and she opens up to him, welcoming his warmth and strength with a moan that is born deep down in her. They move slowly, unhurriedly, one rhythm, one breath, one body until they don't know where their own being ends and the other's begins. 

And then they lie in each other's arms afterwards and Sam feels tears sting behind his eyes when Cait whispers: "She's right."

He wants to say so many things. "I love you," first of all, but he hasn't told her before. Only in her sleep so how can he do it now? The knot in his throat gets bigger and bigger and the words will not come. The words he so desperately needs to make her see, that the worst is losing each other, that nothing else can ever come close, that he needs her, that she needs him, too. 

"We knew it from the start, didn't we? We knew it is a risk and she is right."

"It has worked so far though," he tries. His heart beats anxiously and his mouth is dry. "We can do it. We have managed through all these months..."

"You heard her, Sam! It won't get easier. In the contrary! It will be all get more and more difficult." She is crying now and it tears him apart to hear it. "This is my only chance to achieve an acting career, my one and only shot. I'm 35, there will be no other chances like this for me and this is what I wanted to do my whole life! I'm sorry..." 

Her voice is pleading for him to understand and he does. He really does. "You've promised," a voice in his head tells him. "You've promised to let her go and remain to be her friend."

"So you mean we..." he can't even finish the sentence or he is sure he will cry. Cait nods, unable to speak as well. She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "We'll wrap in a month. Maybe we should take a break then. See how much we really mean to each other?" 

His eyes close, but he nods, too. Cait is crying silently and draws her close to his heart. "We'll manage," he whispers. "One way or the other. We'll manage. I promise."


	11. Hell in the City of Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, for abandoning this story for so very long. I had a computer crash and lost all that I've written and that really killed my motivation for several months. It was difficult to find my way back into the story after that and I'm still not sure I've managed with this new chapter. But at least I'm writing again. I hope I'll be able to update regularly now. We'll see. For all, who haven't given up on this story: Enjoy!

The next month is hell. Sam isn't sure whether it is luck or tragedy, but they're separated for most of the filming. Sam is filming the worst scenes of the whole series. Jamie gets tortured and raped by Black Jack Randall and although he is grateful for the challenge of his acting, the stress of it and the emotional drain is slowly wearing him down. He comes home exhausted and it is getting harder and harder to shake off the feeling of sickness and depression, especially since Cait is not there. They haven't talked since they came home, at least not privately. Not once outside the few scenes they had to film with each other. 

Sam feels her eyes resting on him when they part after each scene. More than once she comes after him, when he leaves the set, but he almost runs to his trailer, doesn't look around and closes the door behind him before she can reach him. He hasn't answered her phone calls or texts either.

He just can't.

It's not that he is pouting or that he wants to behave like a child, but he just can't talk to her. He doesn't know what to say and he's afraid he will break down and beg her to come back to him or – even worse – cry. Because that's how he feels. Utter despair has taken hold of him. He hasn't been as heartbroken over a breakup ever and he is feeling guilty. She wanted them to take things lightly. She wanted them to not rush into a relationship, because she knew the danger behind it all and yet he managed to fall in love with her head over heels and so completely that it left him unguarded and unprotected. Now he he has to pick up the pieces of his heart somehow without her noticing. Without anyone noticing. He goes to the gym daily, sometimes even twice a day. It's the only way to release part of the stress. 

The wrap of the season comes and with it the wrap party. Sam is so relieved, that it is finally over, that he allows himself to get thoroughly drunk and so does Cait. And finally, with booze clouding his mind, they can chat and laugh with each other again. Their defences are down, everything is bathed in a warm light due to buzz and exhaustion. As the evening goes on, they inevitably get closer, drawn to each other like magnets. Not long and she cuddles into him, he has his arm around her, leans close to her, smells her perfume and breathes her in. He feels her hand on his thigh, her breast squashed into his chest and his own hand is resting at her waist, moving slowly down to her hip, spreading and pushing her closer to him. Ron takes a picture of them and many weeks later Sam will laugh about his expression and how utterly wasted he looks. 

There's no way any of them is going home alone tonight. Sam knows it and Cait knows it, too. Luckily Maril is so drunk herself, that she doesn't notice anything around her any more, so when the two of them call it a night and say their goodbyes to everyone, no one seems to notice or care that they're leaving the party together. It's not the first time anyway after all. Davie drives them and that's a good thing, because he's more discrete than the other drivers and doesn't comment when Sam tells him he doesn't need to wait for him at Cait's flat. He just drives off and they stumble up the stairs to her apartment. They start kissing and making out before they even reach her door and almost break Cait's key in their drunken attempt to open her door while fumbling with their clothes.

Finally they get the door open and Sam closes it behind them with a bang that makes Cait giggle. They're a mess, leaving a trail of clothes behind them on their way to the bedroom, stumbling and fumbling drunkenly and giggling hysterically while bumping into furniture and the walls. 

When they fall onto her bed a few seconds later, they both sigh. Sam is feeling slightly delirious, his mind is clouded by drink, by sensation, lust and love. He's kissing her sloppily, hungry, wet kisses on every part of skin he can reach. He can't get enough. His lips travel lower, suck at the underside of her breasts and lower still over her belly, her navel to her hip.

He can't remember later how it all ends, what he does, what she does, how they respond to each other, how they come together, how they join and then move with each other. But when it happens, it's completion. It's white light and explosion and starlight and it is the most powerful release he's ever had. He doesn't remember anything beyond that, just how they cling to each other and that he must have felt asleep like that. In a tight embrace, holding on for dear life.

The next morning he leaves before she wakes up. He leaves a message. It takes him ages to write it.

“Dear Cait” it says. “You want a break and I will respect that. I'm giving you space, if space it what you need. But I'm only a call away. I'll be in LA the next months. Love, Sam”

### 

LA is it's usual self. Hot, dusty, huge. He's visiting friends. Amy and Lauren, of course and Luke and his girlfriend also fly over. They're having silly fun. He's drinking too much, partying too much, having too much sun. But he's also feeling more and more relaxed. Only now he is comprehending how much the long months of filming have worn him out and how much he has needed this break from Jamie. The fans go into a frenzy when he's filmed with Amy, trying out the “Dirty Dancing” lift in a pool. Sometimes he just doesn't get all the attention. What do they want from him? Amy is cool about it, thank God. She just shrugs it off, that all the sudden she is getting hate on social media and all because of him. “You're a star now, Babes,” she says and laughs, but he is embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Cait hasn't called, but she texts him from time to time. Friendly things, sometimes funny, sometimes just asking if he's OK and having fun. It's not deeply personal, but it's better than nothing. Of course he can't stop his heart to beat faster and jumping into his throat every time he sees a text from her. That much hasn't changed. He's waiting for her call, but less and less he is expecting it.

He snaps when he hears she is seen with a dark haired guy all the time. That's when he agrees to go to a few events with some girl he barely knows. His PR agent has advised him that he needs to be seen with a woman. He has always laughed such stuff off, but this time he goes to a Halloween party with the girl. It bombs. He's usually good with people and can talk to almost everyone, but he really has nothing to say to her nor has she to him. If it wasn't so annoying, he would laugh about her bored face on all the pictures. Unfortunately he has agreed to do at least three events with her and so he does, but he's convinced they both breathe a sigh of relief when they can go their separate ways again. He swears he won't do fake Hollywood relationship buzz again.

It's the moment he knows he has to go out of here. A few weeks in Los Angeles and he feels as if his identity is taken from him and the earth pulled from under his feet. It's unreal, fake and all political. He's longing for Scotland. For the nice bubble of filming and love, that he and Cait had for a while. Where has it disappeared to? What has he become?

So he flees for a bit. He drives to Big Sur, goes climbing. All alone and he finally can breathe again. He decides that the LA scene just isn't for him.

When he comes back it's time for the BAFTA tea. Sam is nervous and excited, because he knows he will see Cait again. He even can't contain himself and tweets “Guess, who I am gonna see tonight? #Sassenach” on twitter. The fans are delighted and it warms his heart to read their enthusiasm. 

She is classy as always. And so beautiful it takes his breath away. Just a look at her and he is all back where he was, enchanted, entranced, in love. They can't really talk privately, but it is good to stand next to her, feel her smiling eyes on him, hear her laugh and smell her perfume. He wonders what goes on in her head. As usual she is better at hiding her feelings as he is. They have to be professionals and to answer questions and he later wonders what he said. His mind certainly wasn't in it, it was all with her. How beautiful she looks and how much he wants to talk to her. Really talk to her.

But then the party is over and before he's able to say something, she is hustled off by some people. Her friends are there, Karolyna, of course and Trouble, too. Also a dark haired guy, that Cait introduces to him off handedly as “Tony”. His heart feels like ice all the sudden. Is that him? Is that the guy he has heard about?

He bites the inside of his cheeks and musters a smile to all three of them. He knows he has a glass face when it comes to her. He won't show his disappointment, he has some pride after all. So, when Cait hugs him, he leans in in what he think is a casual manner and also manages to suppress the urge to kiss her neck, that is so invitingly close to his lips. He closes his eyes for only a second, then he straightens and smiles at her. This is it. Friends. He has to accept it.

But then, right before she turns around to Karolyna, she touches his arm. “I call you tonight,” she says quietly. And just like that hope is back.


	12. I've missed you

Amy has organized a dinner and Sam is so afraid to miss Caitriona's call in the noise of the restaurant, that he keeps his phone in his hand all evening. Amy gives him the side-eye about it, but doesn't say anything and Sam is grateful for it.

When the phone is finally ringing, showing Cait's number on the display, Sam is out of his seat in the middle of a sentence.   
“I uh... have to take this,” he says and hurries outside. His heart is beating so loud, he is sure Cait can hear it over the phone when he takes the call.  
“Hi, Sam,” he hears her voice on the other end. “Are you busy? I wonder if you could...” she sounds unsure.  
“Yes?” he urges.  
“If you could come over? I... I really miss you and...”  
“I'm on my way,” he says.

###

Los Angeles is so big, people say, that no matter where you go, you always need at least an hour. Luckily Cait really doesn't live too far away from Amy's area, but even so it is more than half an hour later when Sam finally climbs the stairs to her apartment. 

All the way here, he has tried to figure out what he's going to say, what they're going to do, how to move. Right in the middle of his drive here, he realized, that in his head he has made this idea up, that if she calls him, she wants them to be together again, but then all the sudden it occurred to him that he can't be so sure? What about the dark haired guy? Why hasn't she called him sooner? She could just miss the friend and film partner and not the lover. Maybe she just wants to tell him it's over for good? 

He's so nervous, that when she opens the door he just freezes. He can't bring a word out or make a move, but then she smiles and it lights her eyes and as soon as the anxiety has hit him, it is gone. The first step is an easy one. His arms open involuntarily and she doesn't hesitate. Sam closes his eyes when he feels her close, familiar, warm, soft. God, he missed her so much! He doesn't know how long they just stand in the small hall next to her door, just holding each other and not wanting to let go again. All is well.

“I'm sorry,” she finally murmurs somewhere against his chest. “I'm so sorry, Sam.”

“For what, hon?” he whispers and it really does take him a moment to know what she's talking about. He has forgotten about everything it seems. The long separation, the silence, not calling for weeks, the heartache she caused him. She does have a reason to be sorry, but he knows he has forgiven her long ago. He can't help it. He loves her. 

She makes a weird little noise, somewhere between a chuckle and a sob and tightens her arms around his waist. “God, I missed you so! I was so stupid to think I could just let go...”

He has his face against her hair. “I was lost, Caitriona,” he says quietly. “So lost. Can we talk?”

He feels her nod. 

They move into her living room. Cait pours him a glass of wine and then she sits down next to him on the couch. It's hard to find the first words.

“I can't do this again,” Sam finally says. “I can't pretend any longer, that it doesn't mean the world to me, when it does. I know I said, I'd give you space and...”

“I don't want the space anymore,” she interrupts him, her voice small and cracking and his heart sours. She takes his face into the palms of her hands and kisses him. “And I agree. I can't pretend either.”

He smiles, his vision a bit blurred by tears. He kisses her back, too overwhelmed to speak for a moment, so he shows her in the language of his body, how full of love his heart is and how happy.

#####

“I can't believe I booked that holiday in Mexico over Thanksgiving,” he groans much later. “Now, that I'm finally here with you again, I don't want to leave on a vacation in a week!”

They've finally moved to her bedroom, after a lot of talking, interrupted by a heated sessions of love making on her couch. 

“I'm going to cancel it. Or maybe you can go with me?” He quirks an eyebrow. “I want to do scuba diving.”

Cait shakes her head. “No, sorry,” she says, “Karolyna has put so much effort in organizing a Thanksgiving dinner for all our friends, now that I'm here, I really can't cancel that one. Donal is even flying over from New York.”

“Shall I come? Or better not?” he asks and she throws her head back, sighing. 

“I wish you would come, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. If it was just the close gang, it would be delightful to introduce you to all of them, but it will be a bigger affair and there will be people, who I don't know very well and I don't think we can trust them. Not if we want to keep this a secret.”

She turns her head and looks at him. “So you go scuba diving and I stay here?” 

He smiles. “Only if you promise, that this time we will face-time every day. At least twice.”

“I promise,” she says. “And in the meantime...” she moves to straddle him, “... we will make up for lost time and for the next weeks, by you moving in with me until your vacation starts. What do you think?”

Sam pulls her face down to his. “I love it,” he says against her lips.

###

Amy is not too surprised when he goes to fetch his stuff from her house the next morning. He hasn't talked to her about Cait in the weeks he lived there, but she tells him now, that she guessed. 

“Unlike your character, you have a glass face, Darling,” she says. “And seeing you with her, I knew there was more to it than just friends.”

“Don't tell anyone, please?” 

“Of course I won't,” she promises. “But do you really think you can hide this for long? It will be incredibly difficult.”  
He sighs. “We want to try. Only Maril and Matt will know. We have a no fraternization clause in our contracts and the next contracts are up for negotiations. We don't want to risk the show.”

“Good luck then,” she says and kisses him on the cheek. He's happy and she is happy for him. Not for the first time he is grateful for his friends. 

The week till Mexico is one of the happiest in his life. For the first time in their relationship, Sam and Cait have endless time for each other over a longer time span than just a couple of days. No early calls, no schedule for either of them. A whole week in paradise, as Sam calls it. Cait has a nice apartment, and it is like this beautiful bubble, where they can learn to live with each other for the first time. They talk, they laugh, they sit on her patio, reading and they make love whenever they feel like it, which is very often. 

When the week is over, they both are sad to part. 

“Fuck Mexico,” Sam murmurs. “I don't want to leave.”

Cait just laughs and kisses him so thoroughly, it leaves him dizzy. “Go scuba diving, sportsman,” she whispers against his mouth. “I'll be here when you'll come back.”


	13. Love advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I know it's been an eternity. And I can't promise, that I will post regularly from now on. But what I can promise: This story is not going to end badly. And this story is still worth writing. There might be angst on the way, but I know one thing: Sam and Cait are my OTP. They make me swoon, they make me happy, they put a smile to my face. This is fiction. It is not intended to hurt anyone and it is all invented. But it is my fantasy of how their story happened and it will continue to be.

It's hard to leave Cait behind, but surprisingly Mexico turns out to be a lot of fun. No one in the scuba diving course has an idea who he is and so he's just normal, sportive Sam among other normal, sportive people. Most of the participants are couples, but there are a few singles as well and so they have a nice mixed group. They have a good laugh and hang out in the evenings, drinking cocktails in the hotel bar or sitting at the beach. After the course is finished, Sam uses his remaining days in Mexico to explore and go hiking. It's lovely weather, a lovely scenery and he enjoys it very much. 

If only Cait would be there, it's the only thing missing. They face time every day at least once and he longs for her so much, it almost hurts. Their face timing gets hotter and hotter and one night Sam has his first foray into phone sex ever. After that incident he is sure: Listening to Cait whispering things into his ear over the phone will forever be one of the most erotic experiences of his life and he'll never forget it. 

The only thing clouding their happiness for a moment is the girl, he went to the Valentine's party with, implying on social media, that she's with him in Mexico. The fans flip out and Cait is mad at him for going with her anywhere in the first place. It makes for one depressing evening and way too much (very expensive) Whiskey on his hotel bill. Make up phone sex is almost hotter than the other day's version, so in the end everything works out fine. He calls his PR agent and tells them to shut the girl up immediately and for the first time he is not the friendly and always nice chap they know. It works, there is no innuendo coming from her afterwards and he decides, that he has to be more forceful about his interests in the future. It's all still new and still a learning curve for him. 

The two weeks are over faster than he would have thought beforehand, but still he is happy, when he is in his plane back to her. Unfortunately their reunion has to be delayed yet again, because Cait's schedule for her movie suddenly changes and she has to leave Los Angeles for New York just before he arrives. They decide, that they will meet in Scotland on Boxing day. He will spend Christmas with his family and then Cait will fly in and they will spend the rest of their break together. He flies to LA, gets his stuff and flies out to Scotland the same evening. Like always he is glad to leave the city of Angels behind. 

When he's finally sitting in the taxi in Glasgow, he leans back with a sigh, his tiredness from the long journey catching up a bit on him, but he's also able to relax for the first time in what he feels is an eternity.

„Long journey?“ the driver asks and Sam smiles. 

„Yeah. From Mexico to LA and now home.“

„Mexico! I bet you had better weather there than we here.“

Sam smiles. „Yeah, but home is home, isn't it?“

„That's right indeed,“ the driver says. „So spending Christmas with the family, huh? You're not from Glasgow, though, are you?“

„Edinburgh,“ Sam answers. „Just live here. Will spend Christmas at my Mom's house and then on Boxing day my girlfriend comes home.“

He doesn't know why he tells the man so much. He never does, but for some reason his guard is down. He's just so bloody happy to be back home and so bloody happy, that he's going to see Cait in a few days! He misses her so much, he just wishes she was already there. 

The friendly taxi driver chuckles at his admission. „Ah, someone is missing his girl, isn't he?“ he says. „She's special then, is she?“

Sam laughs ruefully. „She is. I guess I am that obvious.“

They laugh together and chat on about other things for the rest of the trip. But when Sam gets out of the taxi, after paying and giving a generous tip, the driver leans out of his window. „Make it official, lad,“ he says. „If she's special, don't wait!“ 

Sam looks after the disappearing taxi, a puzzled look on his face. Did he just get love advice from a taxi driver? He sure did. 

The incident doesn't leave his mind over the next days. „Make it official,“ the man said. Wow, that really would be a step! But the interesting thing is, that Sam doesn't feel frightened by the thought. Nor does he feel like shrugging it off. It stays with him and the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes, that he is sure and ready. Trouble is: He can't imagine Cait being in the same place yet. She is the more cautious of them and she had more trouble to accept their love as it is.

Love.

He has not told her yet. Only in his thoughts and once when she was asleep. Maybe Cait is not ready for a life long commitment, but he can at least tell her, that he loves her and he will.

Christmas with the family is sweet as always. For the first time they celebrate in his apartment and they all tease him endlessly over his new lifestyle and how „rich“ he has become. He's a bit embarrassed about it, but he knows they're just teasing and that they're absolutely thrilled with his new success. 

He's glad, that noone asks him about Caitriona. He wouldn't know how to answer. He really wants to tell them, especially his Mom, but he wants to check with Cait first. They haven't really talked about how secret they'll have to keep their relationship from now on. 

And then Boxing day is here. In the morning he and his family do their annual Boxing day walk, but Sam is already far away with his thoughts. Just a few hours. She will arrive in the afternoon and he can't wait to get home to Glasgow. If his family notices, they don't say anything, but they're not surprised when he leaves them right after their walk, without eating left-overs first, so he's sure he'll have a talk with his Mom soon. She still knows him better than anyone. 

His phone buzzes while he's still on the road. Cait must have landed. He takes the next exit to see her text: “Safely landed, see you in a couple of hours. Yours or mine?” “Yours,” he texts back, because he knows Cait will want to be with Eddie on her first evening back. 

At six he is standing in front of her door, his heart pounding in his chest, because he knows he is going to tell her, that he loves her and then she's there and she's in his arms, smelling wonderfully, feeling all soft and delicious. All is good again. 

“God, I missed you, “ he groans into her hair, not wanting to let go even though they're still standing in her door. She clings to him just as forcefully, her face buried into his chest. “Me, too,” she says. “Oh, you feel so good.” He smiles and then they kiss. And kiss a bit more. Sam has no real idea what is happening next, because he is sure he is drunk, or high or dizzy. The next thing he knows is, that he is lying next to her, sweaty and out of breath and incredibly happy. And Cait is cradled in his arm, her face on his chest and she sighs: “I love you, Sam.” For a moment he doesn't trust his ears and then his voice, but then he takes a deep breath. “I love you, too, Cait.” And his heart soars.


End file.
